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good luck (I am not a blind "stiff upper lip" type)....coming from "the other side" My husband had a stroke at 44.You need all the support you can get whether from community or online.Please look into National Family Caregiver Alliance.even enlist a specialist to let you know the right way to break it...if he feels needed/wanted/responsible for something, it may "awaken" something good in him)...First off your intense sense of lack of appreciation is so important.Let's first address the need to better take care of yourself.
if he "reads through it", it can backfire) "strategy" and "tactic" may seem to be negative words; they are sometimes need in life... along with yours: strength through conditioning is the only way to improve your capability to effectively help others; win-win: be good to yourself to be good for him.
Almost a year ago my husband of 14 years had a serious stroke that affected both sides of his brain, he was 58 at the time and not his first stroke, but the worst one by far.
He was in rehab for a month and then he went home and had in-home physical therapy for another month, until we ran out of insurance care.
I would urge you to consider adult day health services at least weekly to give you a break. I have never regretted the effort because she died happily while we were more in love than ever.
I hope you are as fortunate as I and that you will be able to recall your behavior at this time without feelings of regret or guilt.