How to deal with dating
I listen and show interest, I crack jokes, I maintain an appropriate amount of eye contact—fuck, I even split the bill like a true gentleman. And if he continues to pursue me despite that, I’ll tell him I’m too emotionally unavailable/mentally unstable to date anyone. Mostly because I usually cancel them or postpone them over and over until the guy loses interest or realizes dating me isn’t worth the hassle.Everything was going great until we had sex and he ghosted me. Soon after, a really cute guy from San Francisco messaged me on Tinder (we'd matched when I was in his area for a wedding).The West Coast was a little far to pursue anything serious, but I was just so happy to feel excited about someone else to get my mind off the ghoster.
In the absence of reassurance from a man, one day I want to be able to tell myself that it’s not about me—and believe it.In another unicorn of dating experiences, the guy who ghosted me after sex wound up un-ghosting me. He’s divorced and realized that he wasn’t ready to be in a serious relationship yet, and admitted that he had his own patterns he needed to work on, like, for instance, withdrawing.We talked about what had happened, and he explained why he’d been out of touch. While it was extremely helpful and comforting to hear that from him, I can’t count on this always happening.Because I’ve felt repeatedly hurt and rejected so many times by men who weren’t capable of being in healthy, nurturing relationships, I’ve internalized the (untrue) belief that love is something that’s for other people, but won’t ever work out for me.And the storylines in my mind—that I’m unlovable, that I’ll always be alone—are so deep-seated that it’s hard to see around them to any possibility other than that I was rejected, and it’s personal.